it’s 1 PM, I am typing this from my laptop on the kitchen table, in front of me a beautiful glass vase with white daisies in it, next to me my usual cup of coffee that gone cold by now, a pile of dirty dishes in the sink, and a pot of vegetable stew simmering on a low heat.
two days ago I turned thirty three, by now I always imagined my life would be so much different for some reason, don’t we all expect so much from ourselves? years goes so quickly and in everyday I seem to lose track of events but when my birthday comes I often sits down and review all what happened, the year was soooo long it feels!
I am grateful for all I have and I thank Allah for all the amazing experiences and self growth he puts my way, I am just missing my creative flow terribly, I find myself stuck in self guilt loop days on end while staying with my kids alone for being so exhausted sometimes and it just block my mind, this one part of me that I constantly try to overcome.
Big Changes often effects me so much, small of big it doesn’t matter really, changes in routine and environments, changes in the kids life’s, changes in my career, my husbands career, changes in weather, everything really. Looking for way to bounce back with the little time I have before the day starts or before I go to bed.
Last October we had to close my art studio since the building needed to go in an urban transformation project, The hospital my husband works in is now in a different city so he spends some time of each month away and with the world’s news and the war happening I went into a loop of helplessness trying to put a new creative and work flow, it is just challenging. My views shifted, I feel my soul renewed, I lost and gained some spiritual parts of me.
Acceptance, persistence, sharing and communicating, journaling is pushing me to find my ways again. there has been a long pause in me, it starting to breathe again, to move in me again, I just need to open that wound and make it flow. the grief for all the loses, mentally and physically, and allow it to heal through creating.
so much to be thankful for this year, security, safety, family, friends, him and them, inspiration, oppurtunities, positive people around me, food, cake,
And As always, thank you for being here,
Happy Birthday Rim! Wishing peace of mind and a way to yourself again ❤️
I have been going though the same struggle of finding a way back to myself for the past year and although I feel it is a long road ahead, you’ve been an inspiration through the years for me and once again with this blog entry you’ve made me feel seen and it is just part of being human that we go through what we go through.
Thank you for your words ❤️
Oh thank you Basima <3 yes a phase of life indeed it is, wishing you all clarity and inspiration to come your way!