Some nights I can’t sleep, it almost like the sun is still up and awake in me, I feel like there is no need to sleep yet. My mind is working and my heart is pounding so fast it’s almost impossible to fall a sleep, it is.
Some nights, even if I am asleep, or if I fell asleep, my sleep is interrupted multiple times by the sounds of my thoughts and the feelings in my dreams, I wake up again and again and again and I force myself to go back to bed. But those nights become so tiring.
Some nights, I don’t listen to the rules I sit for myself , I jump out of bed in the middle of the night, just like this moment. And I open my notebook, there is something in me that needs to go on paper because otherwise I will be fighting insomnia for the next few days, I just can’t take it. My heart needs the rest, my soul needs to carry less emotions and words so here I am, writing down what ever comes from within.
The seagulls are wide awake like me, the night sky is filled with their squawking and what may seem like “laughing”, I’d like to hear the waves on the shore but I can only smell it. There is a cup of hot herbal tea by my side, I think I drank every last drop of it.
In some nights, I fear everything, I am so scared and lost and alone, like the world is one giant room, without a window, without a single light,with a rooftop so high and walls so far away, I am in the middle of this room and I can’t reach a wall to stand on , I feel exhausted, terrified. Anybody can come at any moment and rip my heart out, I am all alone and I need something to lay my back so I can focus. I look up to a high high ceiling, I stare for hours and hours, It is like I am talking, speaking with someone.
Deep down I realize it is GOD I am relying on because I am no longer alone, no longer needing a wall.
In some nights, I am awaken by gentle raindrops, hitting me with their soft noise from the open window, or am I imagining them? those nights happens to be mid summer and what are the chances of a rainy night in this heat wave? I wake up so calm and still. I feel this world to be the safest place ever, after all, I am surrounded by many raindrops and stars and I need not to worry about a thing.
Some nights,
Some nights..
