very warm to my heart, not just because it is my birth month, but it is always different to me, special, shorter than all months, days become a little bit longer, a little bit brighter, a little bit warmer.
Still finding balance and accepting the change of becoming a family of four, getting used to the idea that I won’t hear my father’s voice, won’t sit and talk with my dad in law again, getting used to the new neighbourhood, the new flat, the new neighbours. missing the faces I used to greet every single day for the past two years.
I became 31 years, and every new year is a birth year. every change is a new beginning, every day is a new start. I miss the all-time artist in me, I miss being mother to one, I miss being with my partner alone more often, I miss being a daughter with a dad, I miss being a daughter in my mother’s home, I miss being a student and a teacher and an explorer. BUT I am in love with being a mother of a baby girl and a boy, I am in love with the painter that finds time in the dark to sit and create art, I am in love with doing yoga and sports again on a daily basis, I am in love with exploring with my kids, watching them explore the world, I am in love with how my marriage become stronger with hardships, I learn so much from grieving my father and father in law, I learn so much from the changes grieve brought to out families.
Still imbalanced but standing, foggy at days, focus at others. I need a place to come back to, it is in the centre if me, I feel like dimmer than before, but there.
We are still settling down, the new flat is so much more colourful and cosy now. The art studio is almost done, not much left, new artworks are in the making, very slow progress though. I had a lot of cake this month, had a lot of family and solo walks.
Not sure what march will bring our way, I have few plans but nothing clear still, but as I am writing this, a cloud moved and sun rays suddenly covered my table and shoulders, looking to my right, the Strelitzia plant looks majestic under the sun, as always, sun makes everything better. I think it is gonna be a beautiful march.
